we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
