I'm going to jail i love you
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
