dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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