Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I did not marry a roomba.
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