We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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