If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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