actually, I'm a sock model
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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