Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
