I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
and you fell through a lawn chair
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
