Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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