saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
