My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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