A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
