Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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