i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
