I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
