You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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