Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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