Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
