Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize