all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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