I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just had sex on a roof
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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