i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
