it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize