I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
