i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
