Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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