FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
