omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
