Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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