he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize