Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
