just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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