Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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