So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
