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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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