Cold hands, warm shart.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
