whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
