You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
