ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
