He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
