i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
