note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
