what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
