and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
