its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
we're so committed to being not committed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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