I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
