i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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