you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
