i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize