You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Drunk is not a location!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
