so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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