When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
