toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
