there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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