You're my little dorito
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
