Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
