So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
