watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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