i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
