You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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