Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
