Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
