What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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