He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
