I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
