I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
