I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
