He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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