Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
