Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
