i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
