Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
