if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
