I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
FUCK WHALES
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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