I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
