I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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