I think my vagina is haunted
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
