Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
