My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
